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Kim Kardashian Just Burned a Hole in Both My Corneas and I Loved Every Moment of It

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A HUGE slow clap for Papermag making Kim relevant (and nekkid) again.

Ray J sex video numbers in the red?

No problemo KK.

Let’s lube you the fuck up, have our in-house Photoshop expert blast away that cottage cheese, and we’ll put you back in the spotlight again in two shakes of a lamb’s tale by having you go tits out for the boys.

Not only that, but we’ll give you some stupid amount of money and a nice slice of ad revenue that you and Kanye can use to wipe your bratty kid’s ass with.

Look, if I could milk it like KK, I would be a millionaire by the age of fetus, so I have no beef with this.

I don’t care how much you hate Kim, you are flat out lying if you don’t respect her business hustle.

When someone can make $85 million from an iPhone app while you’re busy being a cube monkey, you give respect where it’s due and go back to your shitty TPS reports.

What I do have a problem with is wrapping my brain around how preposterous the original version of this pose that was done by Artsy is.

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How in the hell does someone that looks like a preying mantis have an ass that makes up 94% of her body’s surface area and still be able to stand upright?

Does she have to be strapped in every time she sits down so she won’t roll off and plummet to her death?

I don’t know the answers to these questions but what I do know is that I want to buy a 10 x 10 version of this and put it above the mantle place that I don’t have just so that I could stare at it while I eat my microwave dinners.

Kim makes billions flashing her fake ass?

I’ll make pennies staring at things that distort reality while I enjoy my Mac & Cheese.

Full Kim photo shoot and article here

[Photo credit]